um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
