"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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