I puked a lego.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
