Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
