You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.