it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.