Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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