Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos