i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book