I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.