I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.