Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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