after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
