did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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