Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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