no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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