everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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