My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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