Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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