i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
