wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
