evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
