pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
