she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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