Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
