Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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