Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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