Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
