Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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