we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
3pm strippers are depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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