I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Still dying that you shit outside
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
