Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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