i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
