there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
