it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
