we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
