well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
