his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
