One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
