I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
