see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
