I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
