end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
