...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize