I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
