we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
