need another drink. this is the easiest way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
