Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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