Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize