6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do herpes really smell.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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