I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How naked do you want me to be?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
