I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
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his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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