dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
