This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
