I looked at my own cervix.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
