he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
