I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
