theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
