I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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