we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
