I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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