What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
