Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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