I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
