As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
