i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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